why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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