Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
