I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
