smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
