He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize