I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
