I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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