I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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