Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i permit you to call me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
