At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
