next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize