I need help removing her.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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