Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize