are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
