How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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