I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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