So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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