recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize