Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
