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There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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