And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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