shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
