i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
