just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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