if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
