all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
