I am in a vortex of obligation.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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