he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
