I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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