Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
