Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am naked and annoyed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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