I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
