Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
