My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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