I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
