no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
