I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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