woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My vagina just recognized that song.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
