We're facebook friends in real life
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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