Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
