Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
