Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
