D3 body, D1 cock
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
