between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
