Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
