but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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