Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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