It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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