Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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