who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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