1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize