I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
