her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
