she kept yelling 'call me bella'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
