Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
