His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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