just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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