I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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