Only a mothe r could love this liver
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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