I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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