Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
