one two three fourrrrnication!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
