Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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