i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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