Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
