I need help removing her.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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