I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
