you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
