when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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