Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
