He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
