He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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