just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i now understand why vodka
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
