I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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