You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
