it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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