dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize